In my workplace, we serve a lot of
police officers. Most of them come in fairly often, several times a week. Well,
a few weeks back, one of them was really rude to me. I think we were talking
about diet drinks, he was saying he didn’t like the way they tasted it and I
was attempting to ask him if he had tried Coke Zero. I usually stutter when I
say the word “zero” and this time was no different. I didn’t even get to finish
my attempt to say it when he began to make sounds that I can’t think of a way to
describe except “porky-pig” sounds, and then he chuckled. Most people will confirm
that I am never one to let someone run over me. I almost always stand up for
myself, especially in situations like this. But this time, I simply stopped
trying to say “zero” and just stared at him. Finished making his and his
partner’s drinks and walked away. I still have no idea why I didn’t say
anything and I instantly regretted it. I
thought about it all morning. I know there isn’t, but it almost seems like
there is a statute of limitations of confronting someone. Which is far from the
truth. Why should time make a difference on when you let someone know that
their behavior is childish and inappropriate? It shouldn’t. But none the less.
I delivered the food to their table and said nothing.
I tried to forget about what
happened and couldn’t so I ended up telling a coworker about it. One of the
first things they said was “maybe he didn’t know,” which is when I realized
maybe that’s why I didn’t want to say anything to stick up for myself: because
it probably wouldn’t ultimately matter. People think because they don’t have
all of the information in the world about a person, that it gives them a right
to be an asshole. FALSE. Regardless of whether you stutter or are fluent, NEVER
let someone make you feel like crap and then respond with “well, I didn’t know
that…” Being rude is rude. Period.
I told another coworker about the situation,
because I obviously still didn’t feel okay about it. During our lunch rush, the
two officers came in again and my coworker asked me if I wanted him to confront
the offending officer. I told him, it didn’t matter to me, but that I wouldn’t
stop him if he wanted to. He left and went and spoke with the officer. He
returned a moment later and told me that the officer wanted to talk to me. I
walked over and the officer told me that he was so sorry and that (of course)
he had no idea that I stuttered! Like I always do, I said “It is okay,” even
though it was not okay at all. I appreciated his apology, and it might have
been an OK situation if the conversation had stopped there. After I awkwardly
said that it was “okay,” he paused and then said “Well, now I kind of feel bad.”
SERIOUSLY.
WTF. What do I even say to that? I should
have said “Well… you should feel bad! You were rude!” I started to. All I could
get out was “Well…” and a shrug. Has anyone ever experienced that before? And
if I was still upset at that point, most people would respond as if I was being
a bitch. “He apologized! He didn’t know you stuttered. What else do you want?”
they might say. But in reality, I had a lot to be upset about. I was
disrespected and made to feel like I was a bad person for having it brought to
my offender’s attention. I deserve respect. You deserve respect.
In my
fantasy looking back on that last conversation, instead of standing there like
an idiot when he said “I didn’t know you stuttered!” I would have said “Oh
really, well I didn’t know you were such an ass hole! Guess we all learned
something new today.” I tell people all the time that that is no excuse. And
maybe people who are fluent or who haven’t dealt with things like this before don’t
get why I take things like that so seriously. I think I have just gotten to the
point where I’m done putting up with the BS of people thinking ignorance is an
excuse to be rude and hateful. For example, if I saw someone walking strangely
or limping or something of that nature I would NEVER point, laugh, or make a
cruel joke. Does this mean that I know exactly what is going on that person’s
situation? NO. It could be a number of medical things that are none of my
business. You can wonder about someone all you want. Go for it. But DO NOT be
so mindless as to open your mouth and laugh at a stranger.
“It is better to keep your mouth closed
and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
Mark
Twain
Oh and 10 points and a gold star for anyone who gets the title of this post. :)
