I meant to write this weeks ago. But
I’m sure you know how life gets in the way. It’s funny how you can feel so out
of place, so glaringly different and then one small thing can change that, even
if just for a moment. You can function in world, communicate, you go about your
business. You get along with most people and you’re pretty friendly. But you
just don’t quite fit. You know there are other people who feel the same way as
you. You know this in your mind. But sometimes it doesn’t really feel that way.
And then you talk to someone, just for three minutes and you finally get it.
Those other people who are like you, they actually exist!
A
couple of weeks ago, I had a customer come in who stuttered. Now, this is
actually not the first time this has happened. Once I had a man come in who
stuttered a little. I was too afraid to mention it because it was so slight.
Other people might not have picked up on it, but I did. I was afraid he might
not actually stutter and I would just embarrass myself or something like that.
But this time, I knew he stuttered. They were those blocks that leave you
gasping for breath- the same blocks I have every day. The very same. This guy was like me.
When I felt alone, when I felt like a freak, when I felt discouraged- this stranger
knew how I felt. I don’t know how else to describe the feeling I had except
that I was instantly at ease. As I took his order I actually stuttered more.
But I didn’t even care. He didn’t care or respond. And in those short 3 moments
I didn’t have to apologize for taking too long. I didn’t have to feel bad
wondering what the other person was thinking. I didn’t look away, ashamed of
something I couldn’t control. I didn’t have to feel remorse over who I am.
After
he left, I was elated. I was so happy. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to
cry and laugh at the same time. I told everyone around me, “There’s someone
else like me!!” I don’t feel that at ease all the time now. But that prick of
pain that happens when someone is rude or stupid or gives me a strange looks is
a tiny bit less. It may seem small, but that makes a difference. I’m a member
of several groups on Facebook for people who stutter. And everyone said how
great it was to meet and talk to someone else who stuttered, but I didn’t get
it. I was even afraid to watch the videos people had posted. I think I was
afraid of how it would feel to hear someone else stuttering. What it annoyed
me? I would feel the same as people who talked to me. I might think “Is that
how I sound too?” and just feel worse. But it wasn’t like that at all. I was
wrong.
So, I
guess my point is, if you ever feel alone, you’re not. You’re really not. You
may stick out from the group of people you’re around, but it won’t be like that
forever. There are other people like you, you just have to reach out and find
them.
